My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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