Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
