Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Someone shattered a urinal.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
