Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
