i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
