I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
