I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
