he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
