Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Welp...herpes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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