i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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