Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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