did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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