Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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