I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just found puke in my bra..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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