I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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