It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
