My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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