Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs

Fav 19 1342 2565
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(303): View more from Colorado

I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book

Fav 18 1780 7042
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(765): View more from Indiana

let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

Fav 17 7518 1408
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(708): View more from Illinois

I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.

Fav 15 4974 1103
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.

Fav 11 5769 1243
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(585): View more from New York

Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.

Fav 3 1166 685
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(214): View more from Texas

I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.

Fav 9 1012 789
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(516): View more from New York

We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry

Fav 1 46 12
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(561): View more from Florida

This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.

Fav 0 67 25
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