just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
