she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
