You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
