sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
