we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
