Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
