Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
