shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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