found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
