her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
