just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
