Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am midnight drunk by noon
meet me or not, i'm out of control
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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