you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
