Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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