My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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