Your dad touched me again.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
