I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
