she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
