they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found puke in my bra..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
