I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
