Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
