he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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