What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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