I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
