i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
