we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
