are you still at the devil's house?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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