you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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