i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
