I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
