He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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