my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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