If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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